Back To Reality (First Week Back At Work)

I wrote this post up at the end of last week, but have just been too busy to post.  I apologize to all of you for my lack of blogging.  Now that I'm back at work, my time for blogging is extremely limited.  I'd rather spend my limited time at home with my babies (and sleeping).  :)  I'll try to get back on track soon.

It's hard for me to describe in words how this week has been, so bear with me.

After being at home on bed rest for 11 weeks and then on maternity leave for 12 weeks, I really have only been in the office for about 2 1/2 months this year.   So walking into the office on Tuesday, knowing that I would be back there full time now, was weird.  I enjoyed catching up with my co-workers, but it was hard to stop thinking about the reason I was back in the office now. . .because Evan was in daycare.  I've been through this before with Emily, so I really thought it would be easier for me this time since I knew what to expect.  The truth is that it wasn't easier at all.  It was just as tough leaving Evan at daycare.  Sitting at my desk on Tuesday, the Mommy guilt started pouring on.  Was I doing the right thing for him and me by going back to work and putting him in daycare?  Would he resent me later on because I didn't stay home with him?  I remember having all these thoughts after we started Emily, but now I've got 2 kids to think about, so I feel like the guilt is multiplied.  Deep down, I know this is the best decision for me and the kids.  And seeing how much Emily loves school and has learned at school, confirms that decision for me.  But it's still really hard when they are so little.  See, when you think about it, Evan and I have been together almost 24/7 for the last 51 weeks when you count the 39 weeks I was preggo + 12 weeks of maternity leave, and now I'm supposed to just pass him off to a stranger to care for him.   It's tough!!  I know it will get easier, just like it did with Em.  Evan and I just need some time to adjust to it all. 

As far as how Evan is doing, he's still getting used to all the changes.  The noise at daycare has been the toughest adjustment for him.  He's used to a quiet house during the day, so he's having trouble napping at school, which results in overly tired baby at night.  He's also having to learn to self-soothe a bit.  While I was on maternity leave, I spoiled him.  I held him a lot and never let him just cry it out. Even though I know that's made it a little harder for him in terms of the adjustment to daycare, I wouldn't have changed how I did things while I was on maternity leave.  In my opinion, you can't spoil a baby too much in the first few months!

We're all still getting used to our new routines during the week.  The hardest thing for me, is that I went from seeing Evan all the time during the week, to I feel like very little during the week.  Shawn picks the kids up and by the time I get home, Evan is so sleepy he is usually napping in his swing.  He will usually wake up for only a brief amount of time before it's his bedtime (usually around 8:30).   And even though I get the kids ready and to school in the morning, I let them sleep in until the very last minute, so I don't get much time in the morning either.  It might be hard for others to understand this, but there are actually some nights that I love getting up with him in the middle of the night because it's just more time that I get to spend with him awake.

I know sooner or later I'll be able to say that putting him in daycare was a really good decision, I just need some more time to get to that point.